'Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or adults acting like children.'

'To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised.'

'In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face.'

'If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more.'


'Your seat cushions can be used for floatation, and in the event of an emergency water-landing, please take them with our compliments.'

'Ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our plane to the gate!'

'We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting throught the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us here.'