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Adventurous = Has had more partners than you ever will
Artist = Unreliable
Athletic = Flat-chested
Beautiful = Pathological liar
Contagious smile = Bring your own penicillin
Emotionally secure = Medicated
Enjoys art and opera = Snob
Exotic beauty = Would frighten a martian
Feminist = Fat; ball buster
Free spirit = Substance user
Friendship first = Trying to live down reputation as slut
Fun = Annoying
Gentle = Comatose
In transition = Needs new sugar-daddy to pay bills
Looks younger = If viewed from far away in bad light
Loves travel = If you're paying
Loves animals = Cat lady
Mature = Will not let you treat her like a farm animal in bed, like last boyfriend did
New-age = Hair all over
Old-fashioned = Lights out, missionary position only
Open-minded = Desperate
Poet = Depressive schizophrenic
Professional = Bitch
Redhead = Uses hair dye
Reubenesque = Hugely fat
Romantic = Looks better in candlelight
Self-employed = Jobless
Special = Took the short bus
Spiritual = Involved with a cult
Tall, thin = Anorexic
Tanned = Wrinkled
Voluptuous = fat
Widow = Nagged first husband to death
Writer = Pompous
Young at heart = Toothless old fogey
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