10. Assures viewers heavy downpour of spiders should end by midday

9. During weather report, finishes three cans of Pringles

8. Begins segment with "A big shout-out to my main dude, Sam the Snowman"

7. How else do you explain seeing a Doppler 4000 in local pawn shop?

6. Segues to sports guy by saying, "Now here's the narc"

5. Between "Thun-" and "-der", a 3-minute pause while he stares into camera

4. Stands next to map of U.S., screams, "Fear me, I'm a giant!"

3. Says, "There are record highs in this area"; points to head

2. When he says, "Expect 2 to 3 inches of snow," it ain't no ski report

1. So stoned he doesn't know difference between nimbostratus clouds and stratocumulus clouds