Well, this day was a total wate of make-up.

A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.

I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.

You! Off my planet!

If I want to hear the pitter patter of tiny feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.

The Bible was written by the same people that said Earth was flat.

Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

Suburbia: Where they tear out all the trees and then name the streets after them.

I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

Can I trade this job for whatever's behind door number 2?

Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted pay checks.

How do I set the laser printer to stun?

It isn't the size, it's the...no, it's the size.