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Here is your handy-dandy guide on how to make the people at fastfood restaurants REALLY mad!
Here's a little thing i got from an anarchy/chaos site. i know there'll probably be somebody who
prefers mcdonalds over all other fastfood
places, so lemme clearify something: i stole this from another website on the net...i didn't
write it...don't come complaining to me, saying "why do u hate mcdonalds?" cause i hate all fastfood the same
Other
than the following paragraph, this page is COMPLETELY original
NOW, ALTHOUGH Mc DONALDS IS FAMOUS FOR IT'S ADVERTISING
AND MAKING THE WHOLE WORLD THINK THAT THE BIG MAC IS THE BEST THING TO COME ALONG SINCE SLICED BREAD (BUNS?), EACH LITTLE
RESTAURANT IS AS AMATEUR AND SIMPLE AS A NEW-FOUND BUSNESS. NOT ONLY ARE ALL THE EMPLOYEES RATHER INEXPERIENCED AT WHAT THEY'RE
=SUPPOSED= TO DO, BUT THEY WILL JUST LOOSE ALL CONTROL WHEN AN EMERGENCY OCCURS....HERE WE GO!!! FIRST, GET A FEW FRIENDS
(4 IS GOOD...I'LL GET TO THIS LATER) AND ENTER THE MCDONALDS RESTAURANT, TALKING LOUDLY AND REAKING OF SOME STRANGE SMELL
THAT AUTOMATICALLY MAKES THE OLD COUPLE SITTING BY THE DOOR LEAVE. IF ONE OF THOSE PIMPLY-FACED GOONS IS WIPING THE FLOOR,
THEN TRACK SOME CRAP ALL OVER IT (YOU COULD PRETEND TO SLIP AND BREAK YOUR HEAD, BUT YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY DO SO). NEXT, BEFORE
YOU GET THE FOOD, FIND A TABLE. START YELLING AND RELEASING SOME STRANGE BODY ODOR SO =ANYBODY= WOULD LEAVE THEIR TABLE AND
WALK OUT THE DOOR. SIT 2 FRIENDS THERE, AND GO UP TO THE COUNTER WITH ANOTHER. FIND A PLACE WHERE THE LINE IS SHORT, OR IF
THE LINE IS LONG SAY "I ONLY WANNA BUY A COKE" AND YOU GET MOVED UP. NOW, YOU GET TO DO THE =ORDERING= ...HEH HEH HEH. SOMEBODY
=ALWAYS= MUST WANT A PLAIN HAMBURGER WITH ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ON IT (THIS TAKES EXTRA TIME TO MAKE, AND DRIVES THE LITTLE HAMBURGER-MAKERS
INSANE)..ORDER A 9-PACK OF CHICKEN MCNUGGETS...NO, A 20 PACK...NO, THREE 6 PACKS...WAIT...GO BACK TO THE TABLE AND ASK WHO
WANTS WHAT. YOUR OTHER FRIEND WAITS BY THE COUNTER AND MAKES A PASS AT THE FEMALE CLERK. GET BACK TO THE THING AND ORDER THREE
6-PACKS OF CHICKEN ETC....NOW SHE SAYS "WHAT KIND OF SAUCE WOULD YOU LIKE?".OF COURSE,
SAY THAT YOU ALL WANT BARBECUE SAUCE
ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS WANTS 2 (ONLY IF THERE ARE ONLY 2 CONTAINERS OF BARBECUE SAUCE LEFT).THEN THEY HAFTA GO INTO THE STOREROOM
AND OPEN UP ANOTHER BOX. FINALLY, THE DRINKS...SOMEBODY WANTS COKE, SOMEBODY ROOT BEER, AND SOMEBODY DIET COKE. AFTER THESE
ARE DELIVERED, BRING THEM BACK AND SAY "I DIDN'T ORDER A DIET COKE! I ORDERED A SPRITE!"
THIS GETS THEM MAD; BETTER YET,
TURN DOWN SOMETHING TERRIBLE THAT NOBODY WANTS TO DRINK, SO THEY HAFTA THROW THE DRINK AWAY; THEY CAN'T SELL IT. AFTER ALL
THE FOOD(?) IS HANDED TO YOU, YOU MUST =NEVER= HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO PAY. THE CLERK WILL BE SO ANGRY AND CONFUSED THAT SHE'LL
LET YA GET AWAY WITH IT (ANOTHER INFLUENCE ON HER IS YOUR FRIEND ASKING HER "IF YOU LET US GO I'LL GO OUT WITH YOU" AND GIVING
HER A FAKE FONE NUMBER).
NOW, BACK TO YOUR TABLE. BUT FIRST, SOMEBODY LIKES KETCHUP AND MUSTARD. AND PLENTY (TOO MUCH)
OF NAPKINS. OH, AND SOMEBODY LIKES FORKS AND KNIVES, SO ALWAYS END UP BREAKING THE ONES YOU PICK OUTTA THE BOX. HAVE YOUR
FRIENDS YELL OUT,"YAY!!!!! WE HAVE MUNCHIES!!" AS LOUD AS THEY CAN. THAT'LL WORRY THE ENTIRE RESTAURANT. PROCEED TO SIT DOWN.
SO, YOU ARE SITTING IN THE SMOKING SECTION (BY ACCIDENT) EH? WELL, WHILE ONE OF THE TOBACCO-BREATHERS ISN'T LOOKING, PUT A
SIGN FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM SAYING "DO NOT SMOKE HERE" AND HE'LL HAFTA MOVE...THEN HE GOES INTO THE REAL NON-SMOKING
SECTION, AND GETS YELLED AT. HE THEN THINKS THAT NO SMOKING IS ALLOWED IN THE RESTAURANT, SO HE EATS OUTSIDE (IN THE POUR-ING
RAIN) AFTER YOUR MEAL IS FINISHED (AND QUITE A FEW SPLATTERED-OPENED KETCHUP PACKETS ARE ALL OVER YER TABLE), TRY TO LEAVE.
BUT OOPS! SOMEBODY HAS TO DO HIS DUTY IN THE MEN'S ROOM. AS HE GOES THERE, HE STICKS AN UNEATED HAMBURGGR (WOULD YOU DARE
TO EAT ONE OF THEIR HAMBURGERS?) INSIDE THE TOILET, FLUSHES IT A WHILE,UNTIL IT RUNS ALL OVER THE BATHROOM. OOPS! SEND A PIMPLY-FACED
TEENAGER TO CLEAN IT UP. (HE WON'T KNOW THAT BROWN THING IS A HAMBURGER, AND HE'LL GET SICK. WHEEE!) AS YOU LEAVE THE RESTCURANT,
LOOKING BACK AT YOUR UNCLEANED TABLE, SOMEBODY MUST REMEMBER THAT THEY LEFT THEIR CHOCOLATE SHAKE THERE! THE ONE THAT'S
ALMOST
FULL!!!! HE TAKES IT THEN SAYS "THIS TASTES LIKE CRAP!", THEN HE TAKES OFF THE LID AND THROWS IT INTO THE GARBAGE CAN...OOPS!
HE MISSED, AND NOW THE SAME POOR SOUL WHO'S CLEANING UP THE BATHROOM NOW HASTA CLEAN UP CHOCOLATE SHAKE. THEN LEAVE THE JOINT,
REVERSING THE "YES, WE'RE OPEN" SIGN (AS A REMINDER OF YER VISIT) THERE YOU HAVE IT! YOU HAVE JUST PUT ALL OF MCDONALDS INTO
COMPLETE MAYHEM. AND SINCE THERE IS NO PENALTY FOR LITTERING IN A RESTAURANT, BUGGING PEOPLE IN A PUBLIC EATERY (OR THROW-UPERY,
IN THIS CASE) YOU GET OFF SCOT-FREE. WASN'T THAT FUN?
Here's other ways you can be annoying at fastfood resturaunts:
1. Stand in line for a long time and after about 5 minutes of "thinking", order 2 waters.
this is best if u're at the front of a long line
2. Yell into the drivethru mic at the top of your lungs
3. Change your order a lot. This works best in drivethru cause they have to delete and re-enter
the order and ask u if it's correct and it takes a long time
4. Sit relatively close to older ppl and discuss strange topics, such
as "what would be the easiest way to kill a bunch of ppl w/out getting caught" as if u don't realize they can hear u
5. use your natural body odors to magically make long lines short
6. take a nickle and spin it on the table. then slam one of those salt
shakers on top of it it busts it. he next person that picks it up gets a salt bath
7. have a "who can burp loudest" contest with a friend
8. give the bathroom's mirrors a good cleaning with the liquid soap.
then toss handfuls of water on it and just let it drip
9. put a ton of t.p. in the urinal and flush it a bunch
10. have a friend w/ u and order 4 LARGE waters. once u get a tray, take the lids off of
the cups. as u and ur friend walk to a seat, have him "accidently" trip u, spilling all the water on the floor. say "don't
worry, i'll clean it up" and just toss HANDFULS of napkins on the floor
Anywhere/Too lazy to put in their proper place:
Take a security sticker off of something. While someone isn't looking, stick it on the bottom of
their cart...hehe....
Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks (or jackets)
Hide dairy products in inaccesible places.
Go to the library and write the surprise ending to a novel on the first page
Set alarms for random times
Order a side of pork rines with your falet mignon
When borrowing someone's car, leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in the stereo and turn the volume up
as loud as possible. Turn the car off and when they turn it back on, they will get a rather cheerful surprise...
Publicly investigate how long you can make a "croaking" noise.
Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
Change channels 5 minutes before the end of every show
Begin all of your sentences with "Oh-la-la"
When typing, either TYPE ALL IN UPPERCASE, all in lowercase, no punctuation, or nospaces.
Pay for your dinner (or expensive clothes, video games, ect.) in pennies
Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
Repeat everything everyone says as a question
Replace someone's incence with sparklers (they'll never know until it's too late)
Leave tips in Bolivian currency
Push all the flat Lego peices together tightly
When Christmas Caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman Smells" until physically restrained.
Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One"
Finish the 99 Bottles of Beer song (on a regular basis, if possible)
Leave your turn signal on for 50 miles
Drum on every possible surface (offbeat)
Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, then place them back on the tray
Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol
While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet
Make beeping noises when a large person backs up
Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September
Change your name to John Aaaaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim
it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "A"
Sit in your front lawn pointing a hair dryer at cars and see if they slow down
Sing along at the opera
Mow your lawn with scissors
Finish all of your sentences with "in accordance with prophesy"
Ask the waitress at your table for an extra seat for your imaginary friend. Also demand food, sliverware,
and alcoholic beverages. Send the food back several times claiming that "he doesn't like it THAT way"
Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhime
Select the same song on the jukebox 50 times
Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing akward silences with the impression
that you'll be saying more any moment
Never make eye contact (or never break eye-contact)
Holler random numbers while someone is counting
Make appointments for the 31st of September
In the Office or At School:
Staple papers in the middle of the page.
WAL-MART
Things To Do At Wal-Mart While You Wait For Your Family To Shop 1. Get boxes of condoms & put them in peoples' carts
when they aren't looking. 2. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor to the restrooms. 3. Walk up to an employee and announce
in an official tone, "I think we have a code 3 in housewares," and see what happens. 4. Put some M&M's on lay
away. 5. Set up a tent in the camping department, tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding
department. 6. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose. 7. Dart around suspiciously
while humming the theme from 'Mission Impossible.' 8. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows
where the anti-depressants are. 9. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels. 10. Hide
in the clothing rack and when people browse through whisper 'PICK ME! PICK ME!
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